Couples
I have had reason lately to think about relationships.
My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. We married last year on our 9th anniversary, and this October will mark our 1st married anniversary, and our 10th year together.
On our first date, we went to a cheap restaurant that college kids frequent around here, then we went to the WORST 1st date movie on the planet! We both agreed on the movie, neither of us picked it, and now if we were to go see it together, we'd probably have a different post-movie reaction. But at the time, we sat in the car, looked at each other and busted out laughing. One of us said something about 'who picked that?' and 'If I'd have know!' etc. . .
I can't say what makes a relationship survive the first few months, or even the first few years, but lately, I've had reason to observe things that seem to degrade a relationship over time. We hang out with one main group of people that we've know for a while. There are new comers to the group that certain group members might have known for years, and there are people that come and go from the group. We are technically the 'come and go' type, because we're not at every 'group' event.
Lately, there has been one divorce in the group, and one unofficial 'rocky' relationship. The divorce was rather shocking, because they were High School Sweethearts, and they were, on the surface, the most solid relationship of the group. While the wife wasn't around as often as the husband because of the stereotypical 'I've got to take care of the kids' role, when she was around their relationship just felt solid to the rest of us.
Well, the husband's social life continued, and the wife's didn't, and it was my husbands and my observation that the man in that relationship seemed to have a mutual affinity for one of the divorced ladies of the 'come and go' variety in the group. This observation proved factual during the divorce proceedings, and now they're openly a couple.
Well, this 'come and go' girl is now a regular, and she brought along a friend. This friend is now the object of interest to the man of the unofficially 'rocky' relationship whose wife is a 'come and go' type herself, but not the 'I've got to take care of the kids' kind, because they don't have kids. The husband's interest in the friend, appears to be mutual. All of this is particularly disturbing to me, because my best friend is one of the 'I've got to take care of the kids.' type, while her husband is a regular at their 'group of friends' social functions.
I just see a pattern here that I don't want to continue observing for the rest of my life, and one that I don't want to have happen in my life and I really don't want to see happen to my best friend.
My husband and I are practically joined at the hip. Not because of obligation, or because we have rules about our social lives, but because we both like it that way. When he goes off alone to do stuff with the guys, he has fun, and I like that, but I miss him, and he misses me. The same is true when I go off and do things with the girls. My friends say we're weird, his friends don't say anything to either of us, but they probably say he's 'whipped'. My friends are really 'our' friends, and his friends are really 'our' friends, we have no firm lines, and our groups of friends fuzz together, we're like the little social bees that buzz between groups of friends.
I can't say I think our relationship is what everyone should strive for, and we don't have any kids yet, but I like to think when we do have kids, we will still have a strong relationship, and a trusted babysitter, so we can continue to socialize together. I can say I am happy with our relationship, and I wish everyone could be as happy. I wish everyone could recognize what makes them happy, what they want in a partner, and know how to get all of it. I think everyone deserves to be happy, I just wish I knew how to make it work for everyone.
All this being said and observed, my main observation is that separation definitely does NOT make the heart grow fonder.
My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. We married last year on our 9th anniversary, and this October will mark our 1st married anniversary, and our 10th year together.
On our first date, we went to a cheap restaurant that college kids frequent around here, then we went to the WORST 1st date movie on the planet! We both agreed on the movie, neither of us picked it, and now if we were to go see it together, we'd probably have a different post-movie reaction. But at the time, we sat in the car, looked at each other and busted out laughing. One of us said something about 'who picked that?' and 'If I'd have know!' etc. . .
I can't say what makes a relationship survive the first few months, or even the first few years, but lately, I've had reason to observe things that seem to degrade a relationship over time. We hang out with one main group of people that we've know for a while. There are new comers to the group that certain group members might have known for years, and there are people that come and go from the group. We are technically the 'come and go' type, because we're not at every 'group' event.
Lately, there has been one divorce in the group, and one unofficial 'rocky' relationship. The divorce was rather shocking, because they were High School Sweethearts, and they were, on the surface, the most solid relationship of the group. While the wife wasn't around as often as the husband because of the stereotypical 'I've got to take care of the kids' role, when she was around their relationship just felt solid to the rest of us.
Well, the husband's social life continued, and the wife's didn't, and it was my husbands and my observation that the man in that relationship seemed to have a mutual affinity for one of the divorced ladies of the 'come and go' variety in the group. This observation proved factual during the divorce proceedings, and now they're openly a couple.
Well, this 'come and go' girl is now a regular, and she brought along a friend. This friend is now the object of interest to the man of the unofficially 'rocky' relationship whose wife is a 'come and go' type herself, but not the 'I've got to take care of the kids' kind, because they don't have kids. The husband's interest in the friend, appears to be mutual. All of this is particularly disturbing to me, because my best friend is one of the 'I've got to take care of the kids.' type, while her husband is a regular at their 'group of friends' social functions.
I just see a pattern here that I don't want to continue observing for the rest of my life, and one that I don't want to have happen in my life and I really don't want to see happen to my best friend.
My husband and I are practically joined at the hip. Not because of obligation, or because we have rules about our social lives, but because we both like it that way. When he goes off alone to do stuff with the guys, he has fun, and I like that, but I miss him, and he misses me. The same is true when I go off and do things with the girls. My friends say we're weird, his friends don't say anything to either of us, but they probably say he's 'whipped'. My friends are really 'our' friends, and his friends are really 'our' friends, we have no firm lines, and our groups of friends fuzz together, we're like the little social bees that buzz between groups of friends.
I can't say I think our relationship is what everyone should strive for, and we don't have any kids yet, but I like to think when we do have kids, we will still have a strong relationship, and a trusted babysitter, so we can continue to socialize together. I can say I am happy with our relationship, and I wish everyone could be as happy. I wish everyone could recognize what makes them happy, what they want in a partner, and know how to get all of it. I think everyone deserves to be happy, I just wish I knew how to make it work for everyone.
All this being said and observed, my main observation is that separation definitely does NOT make the heart grow fonder.
posted by Jen at 10:46 AM
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